I am starting to feel the opposite of this guy about the Olympics winding down. There’s not enough human beings inexplicably trying to jump over (into?) water left. True story have you ever seen a person who seems to be enjoying running steeplechase?
Anyway a lot of your athletes are done, so you must be feeling despondent as well. Who’s in for an Olympics re-watch next week???
Stephen Nedoroscik is like the patron saint of Fantasy Olympics. One of us! One of us!
Anyway, I hope you are surviving GOLD RUSH WEEKEND. Remember to hydrate. And welcome to Week Two which finds the US being fast on a different surface. Our gym gals are almost done with their flipping but our team sports girlies are stepping into the spotlight. Men will also be competing again this week, I’m told.
Very few surprises so far in either the Olympics or the Fantasy Olympics really. Simone is 3 for 3 on gold. US Basketball is dominant. Siblings President Alice of Barrettania and Governor Brian of Barretteboro are doing their traditional “pretty well” and, as usual, much better than siblings High Sultaness Allie of Mabeltopia and Sanctus Bellator Ross of Dominion Divinum Petrochemicum de Groganzola.
Supreme Leader Jen of Land of Make Believe is having one of her better years and will hopefully be able to answer the many questions I have about the Land of Make Believe such as why do only some citizens have to wear pants? and what is the basis of their economy and is it really crayons and artisan clocks?
Frequent Fantasy Olympians Chef d’Equipe Kerry of Raffles Apollo, Queen Robin of Randomland, Chancellor Megan of Pollywoglandia, and Queen JoAnna of Josburg are hovering around the middle of the table together while frequent former Fantasy Olympics champion, Desperado Ken of the Land of Tony’s Flags is just having a dismal games so far. 25th place and pinning all his hopes and dreams on Sport Climbing.
A lot of great Olympics were Olympicked today, which I won’t tell you about in case you’re one of those primetime watchers, but many more points up for grabs. Still anyone’s game to win! Except for probably mine, unless Noah Lyles gets 18 gold medals.
Hi, there, it’s me, your lack of talent, lazy Fantasy Olympics commissioner. I got a little behind and tbh there are just so many more sports in the summer. Anyhoo, the Leaderboard is updated through the end of the Olympic Day Friday, August 2.
Premier Avi of the United States of Asswhoop and President Lan of Vladt have ridden to the top on the shoulders of Australian swimmer Mollie O’Callaghan, who I had personally never heard of/forgotten. Don’t scroll down and like find a haiku I wrote to her in 2020 or something.
Good news for everyone else is Track started (with the best event, Racewalking) and Simone’s got like 4 more medal opportunities. Boxing’s just heated up, and weightlifting and wrestling haven’t even started yet. Not to mention Rhythmic Gymnastics.
It’s been a big two days, or as I now measure time, 20 hours of Gold Zone. US Women’s Rugby, Flavor Flav, Suni’s Floor Routine, Teddy Riner, swimming in the Seine, Colin Jost slowly dying in Tahiti. Did not think they could top the heavy metal Marie Antoinette heads if I’m being honest, but I am not disappointed.
Know Your Olympic Fantasy League #1 is actually quite literal. Check out this spreadsheet to see everyone’s teams (and maybe your own if you forgot or did auto-pick) and the Olympian scoresheet.
If I’m being honest I am having a really hard time not telling you spoilers. There were something like 18 gold medals today. And most of them should go to me for a) not telling you the results and b) getting the leaderboard updated three days in a row.
Anyway, almost everyone experienced a Biles Bump last night as she is up to 15 points, or 30 for those who captained her, and she’s quite literally carrying most of our teams. And she still has like 4 more potential medals or something. Buckle up.
Premier Chris of the United Cats of Cat threatens for the gold medal today but she has absolutely no track athletes so let’s all congratulate her this week.
Please tear yourself away from Gold Zone for just a moment to check out the leaderboard update. The country formerly known as Groganzola continues its historical turn at the top of the table, perhaps due to the revenue raised through strategic partnerships with corporate media conglomerates. However, that strategy seems to have failed Pizzanytime, Inc. who hover near last place.
Elsewhere, the USA continues to crush it. I haven’t looked up the medal table but I can only assume this is a true fact.
It is a record setting year for the Fantasy Olympics with the most ever competitors (and a slew turned away who submitted after the deadline) and the longest it’s ever taken me to set up the standings page. I don’t apologize. I have many more small children than when this started- one of which is making his Fantasy Olympics debut this year creating the first ever tri-generational Fantasy Olympics competition.
The leaderboard is up over on the Leaderboard Page and I will provide some commentary as follows: It is a high scoring debut for many competitors, particularly those with a maxed out swimming roster. Lots of olympic and world records set so far these games so far to rack up points as well. Yet only two points separate gold from bronze. And you’ll have to scroll pretty far down the table to find previous Fantasy Olympic medalists Governor Brian of Barretteboro and Desperado Ken of the Land of Tony’s Flags. Still, there are (thankfully) a lot more Olympics left to go.
Shout out to Russel in Chief Trish of KirtRusselStan for her strong start, and here’s hoping she will explain her name soon.
Choose your Olympians. You earn points when any of your Olympians wins a medal (either individually or as part of a team), advances through a preliminary round or wins a game, or sets an Olympic or world record.
No overall or individual sport medal count competition this year. It was honestly just too much for all of us.
Reach out with any questions.
Teams must be submitted by 7:00 p.m. on Friday, July 26.
Citius, Altius, Fortius – Communiter.
Well, it really came down to the wire with only 1 point separating Gold and Silver going into the last day of the competition. It once seemed like The Most Excellent Swiddle Family of the Land of Potty Words and Wrestling was untouchable, but buoyed by the only four points scored by Mikaela Shiffrin in the entire Olympics, Desperado Ken of the Land of Tony’s Flags pulled ahead by 3 points to claim Gold.
The Barrette siblings battled it out for Bronze, but ultimately it was Commander Brian of the Washington Olympic Team who will fill the final spot on the Fantasy Olympics Podium.
Just as Norway once again topped the Winter Olympics medal count, the Fantasy Olympics champions were also not a surprise. But I am sure fun was had by all. Especially because we didn’t have to COVID quarantine to participate.
See you in Paris!
Let me just say right off the bat that I know a LOT about the women’s figure skating competition but I will not spoil it for you. Even though Russia seems to be doing what it can to spoil the competition for everyone. Gone are the days of Ekaterina Gordeeva, that’s for sure.
DEEP DIVE ALERT: Do you all remember Ekaterina Gordeeva? She’s from the heyday of the Winter Olympics (1992 and 1994) and was married to her pairs partner, Sergei Grinkov, and then he died from a heart attack (while skating!). Then she married another famous Russian figure skater- Ilia Kulik but they’re divorced now and I just learned that she’s now married to former Canadian pairs figure skater, David Pelletier, who together with his former partner/wife, Jamie Sale, was cheated out of a gold medal in the 2002 Olympics by the Russian mob! I thought that the Peacock documentary about that scandal was pretty good but they didn’t even mention Ekaterina Gordeeva so now I’m not so sure.
Anyway, there’s nothing quite so exciting going on in the Fantasy Olympics. All allegations of doping have so far proved unfounded. The Parade of Nations is now available. A complete audit of the points awarded to Olympians has concluded, so you may have seen a few points shift one direction or the other. Also on the Olympians page, you can see that those who have concluded their competitions are grayed out, and thus you may abandon any hope of a comeback if you’re relying on them. Otherwise, keep hoping because with 4 days left of competition, it is anyone’s contest! And by anyone, I mean The Most Excellent Swiddle Family, Desperado Ken, or Commander Brian.
The Battle for Fourth seems to be heating up with the All Knowing Alice of Barrettania, a frequent medal threat, Vladimir Ross of the Groganzolan Soviet Socialist Republic, and Chef d’Equipe Kerry of Raffles Apollo. Too bad fourth is meaningless.
FANTASY OLYMPICS 2026 