Russians saying funny things. Even though it\’s engaging in a terrible American-held Boris/Natasha stereotype about very intense fur-wearing moderately villainous swarthy men with a poor command of the English language, here it is.

After losing to Finland, Russia\’s hockey coach gave this interview:

The US Men\’s Hockey Team\’s multi-round shootout to beat Russia.  Sure it shows up a 3-2 victory but it was more like 14-13.  And it was the last game that the men\’s hockey team played and nothing that happened after it should be mentioned.

This may not be best, but it is bizarre.  Matt Lauer and Al Roker took their relationship to the next level and tried out the two-man luge.  This photo is strange, but the fact that google suggested \”matt lauer al roker prostate exam\” when I tried to image search is actually probably stranger.

This guy.  Thanks to President M. Fletcher for bringing Filip Flisar, Slovenian Ski Cross competitor, to my attention.  Not only does he have just the greatest mustache, he also competes in a helmet made of mustaches (sort of).  Check out Filip and his fellow Olympic facial hair masters here.

You may have noticed that I have not posted a leaderboard for Friday or Saturday\’s results.  It definitely isn\’t because I forgot to yesterday, and today\’s sad news is that all the events of the Olympics are over.

I\’ll let you have a minute to mourn.

So the standings board is actually currently updated to completion.  So, yes, I know who wins.
No, I will not tell you.  Events are yet to be televised.  In-depth documentaries about Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding have only been teased.  The Closing Ceremonies haven\’t even opened.

So if you\’re looking for standings, check back here after the Closing Ceremonies.  If you\’re looking for insightful \”articles\” about the games and the competition, check back here this afternoon in between my loads of laundry.

… is not the country for President Matthew Leathers.  Early in the competition, it became apparent that President Leathers had accidentally selected eleven members for his Olympic team.  When given the opportunity to drop an Olympian, President Leathers, without a second thought, brazenly and capriciously dropped the Finnish Men\’s Hockey Team.  Well, yesterday, Finland slapped Leathers in the face with a big old fish when they won the bronze medal, besting our own American Yanks.

Look, I\’m not saying Leathers lack of belief in the Fins is what spurred them on to victory.  But the evidence is pretty damning.  Further, Leathers dropped the Fins in favor of keeping his other Men\’s Hockey team and it wasn\’t even America. 

So thanks, Matt Leathers, for ruining the Olympics for everyone.

This blog has reported extensively on those at the top of the table, and those at the bottom of the table.  But in honor of the United States Women Athletes doing, you know, alright, today\’s entry focuses on three ladies from the middle of the table who are doing, you know, alright.  President Megan Polly, President Whitney Waters of BobCostasLand, and President Amy Sadler are 9th, 13th, and 20th respectively in today\’s standings.

President Polly is only 25 points back from the lead, which she could conceivably make up if she gets all the Pickems correct, and Alice\’s athletes get confused about the dates and go back to their home countries before their final events.

President Waters of BobCostasLand was already at a disadvantage due to losing four days to eye infection.  None of her athletes were able to earn points while her fearless leader and mascot, Bob Costas, was possibly going blind before his miraculous recovery.  I think I scored that correctly.  Please remember that in honor of the Olympics being held in Russia, there is no scoring review process.

Notably President Sadler\’s team only has nine members, and when contacted early in the game to add an additional Olympian, she said, \”NO WAY.  Just like our patriotic forefathers in the American Revolution, I will win this war with far less resources!\”  An admirable sentiment but turns out not very successful.  A true underdog story, though ultimately uninspiring.

All three are strong competitors though, and while they may have to ultimately settle for the silver, they\’ve been fierce from the get go and hardly picked any ice dancers at all.

It\’s really anybody\’s game now!  But probably Alice\’s right?  Mabeltopia, where did you go?

These standings are as correct as humanly possible.  I cross-referenced every athlete with Google\’s data and the Sochi2014 website.

A little look into the Part Two Medal Pickem Competition to kick off your morning!  With five events having finished so far (Ski Jumping, Luge, Skeleton, Nordic Combined, and sadly Figure Skating), only two competitors have a perfect 5/5 score: God-King Ross Grogan and President Steve Fohl.  Similarly only two competitors have an imperfect 0/5 score: President Allison Buckley and President Abhi.

Abhi truly is the hard luck story of this Olympic League.

Three more events end today: Curling, Freestyle Skiing, and Short Track Speed Skating.  I am so sad.

President Reeder of Reederhoff viewing the Leaderboard every day of the last 12 days.

One thing has remained constant throughout the competition, and that is The Losers.  Nine out of Twelve days of this competition, President Kerry Irwin of Raffles Appollo, President Liz Reeder of Reederhoff, and President Ted Cunningham of some ginger country have been in the bottom four.  It\’s particularly embarrassing for President Cunningham who helped design and execute this game.

Such promising seasons derailed and left in the dust as their competitors outscore them by 40 or 50 points.  So what happened?  President Reeder and President Cunningham\’s misfortune can likely be explained by their position among the least patriotic teams in the league.  Uncle Sam does not shine his favor on those with Canadian captains.

President Irwin put a lot of faith in her Biathletes (not what it sounds like) who she hopes to someday join.  But Norway\’s skis are giving everyone problems, and even a Ted Ligety gold couldn\’t pull her from the deep snow.

Another possible explanation is that all three teams are heavy with hockey, curling, and biathlon team events which haven\’t concluded yet.  But that can\’t be it.