Too sad after Beach Volleyball to sleep, so I updated the standings.  Though does it even matter anymore?  

At least we still have indoor volleyball.

Women make up over 50% of the US Olympic Team for the first time this Olympics, and women have really been dominating this Olympics like no other before it. So many of our League teams are built on the backs of awesome female athletes like Simone Biles and Katie Ledecky, and our highest scoring swimmer turned out to be Katinka Hosszu.  

Twenty six out of the forty five members of the League are ladies themselves, yet, we have yet to crack the medal stand in over a week! What gives, ladies? It\’s 2016. We can be Fantasy Olympics champions! If we can be ghostbusters now, we can be anything.

I suppose it\’s for the best though because I love and admire all the ladies in this League and if they were to start having some success, I might have to start talking about their physical appearance or irrelevant family history. I mean, looking at the leaderboard right now, I can\’t help but mention that obviously Queen Alice of Barrettania\’s husband is 100% responsible for her success. Also, I heard that Her Majesty Ramba of Swainzia puts her hair in a ponytail when she exercises. President LeUSAh of Travoltaland doesn\’t even know all the dance moves to the Travoltaland national anthem. And Pope Liz of Reederhoffia might be so sad about her team that she looks visibly disappointed in public. But I sure hope not.

Anyway, back to watching NBC\’s coverage of men standing around waiting for their events to start.


P.S. Your Hugeness Mark G of Trumputopia (another blog post for another time, trust me) has suggested a modern day letter writing campaign to tweet @gabrielledoug to let her know that we\’re proud she\’s representing us no matter what Internet idiots have to say. Consider joining in!

Good news for the Clown Prince of East Fartmor! The rest of us are Allyson Felix.

Standings

Just in time to start all over again, the Day 9 standings are finally up.

Looking at today\’s standings, it\’s clear that President Matt of New Freeland and President Nathan of Merica are in a synchronized dive to the bottom.  Which is particularly bad news if you have seen the color of the diving pool lately.  I don\’t have anything funny to say about it really.  It is seriously gross.  Presidents Matt and Nathan have 183 combined points, and there are at least that many kinds of bacteria in that murky water.

President Matt started strong with a wise pick of South Korean archers before making a big splash by giving the captain nod to the United States Men\’s Basketball team, a group of internationally renowned superstars who this week have followed up almost losing to Serbia with the excitement of almost losing to France.

President Nathan made the choice to captain Trampoline Gymnast Dong Dong, but at what cost?  Well, as it turns out, probably success.  

Pictured: King Lance of Hyrule

Each night before I go to bed, I very carefully plug my phone in next to the bed and turn the ringer on, so that I may be reached in an emergency via call or text.  Last night, at 5:24 a.m., King Lance of Hyrule had just such an emergency: he had not received world record points for Ethiopian female distance runner Almaz Ayana.

Fortunately, I have had a number of hours since then to right this wrong, update the standings, and conduct an audit of those events which have ended.  If your Olympian\’s total is grayed out, that means they are finished competing and the points listed are the total.  EXCEPTION: Men\’s Team Epee Fencing, which I have accidentally already grayed, but is currently happening. This evening, or perhaps sometime tomorrow, when today is updated, then that total will be correct and final.  Do not contact me about Men\’s Team Epee Fencing today please.

If you have other concerns about your point totals, please feel free to comment below or e-mail me or facebook me.

Mr. Manager Daniel of Litigation Branch III is having a pretty rough Fantasy Olympics.  Mr. Manager Daniel works with the Great Commissioner of this League, Chancellor Anna of Murphyarnken, as the Mr. Manager of Litigation Branch II.  But we just say manager.  No word yet on the significance of Mr. Manager playing this League as the head of the country of Litigation Branch III but the international community is keeping its eye on that.

Many words on Mr. Manager Daniel\’s performance in this League, however.  His team is truly all over the board, a regular cornucopia of Olympic events.  He has 14 different teams as selections, may be the only person to have a sailing pair and a wrestler, and is certainly the only person to captain the US Women\’s Soccer Team.

While this blog appreciates and even rewards the spirit of GIRL POWER, the points are not as kind, and sadly neither was the soccer pitch yesterday when the USWNT lost in the quarterfinals to Sweden, a team that #ManyPeopleAreSaying were a bunch of cowards, a claim that this blog has made no attempt to verify or understand.

What\’s a Mr. Manager to do? At already 17 points behind the team everyone thought would be the worst in the league, things are looking bleak.  But Mr. Manager\’s best bets may blossom in Week Two with a probable gold medal sweep from US Women\’s Water Polo and US Women\’s Volleyball.  And hey, Sergio Garcia may make a comeback?

Great news for everyone, the standings are finally updated.  Great news for President Colin of The Settler of Catan, he\’s finally out of Heartbreak position.  Bad news for President Colin, he\’s now in a three way tie for 6th.  Great news for President Colin, Ithaca\’s Eternal High Commander Trish, First of her Name says we shouldn\’t make you stand next to the guy you don\’t like.

No one fell harder faster so far this week than Rowdy Roddy Piper of Piperia.  From out of the gate number one gold medalist to what? like 58th? after Day 6.  Pretty embarrassing.  After peaking early on with a triumphant silver medal in Archery, and a Shooting gold, I\’ll be honest with you, I\’m not sure he\’s scored a single point since.  But that\’s okay because Track and Field is coming, and surely the Great Piperian has stacked his team with elite Track and Field athletes, right?  Nope.  He\’s chosen to pin most if not all of his hopes on Usain \”I\’ve Never Run a Mile\” Bolt.  And, of course, American Sailor Paige Railey.

The rest of us may not be immune from the fate of Rowdy Rod, however.  Exactly 2/3 of the League selected either Serena Williams or Novak Djokovic, or, for some of us sad sacks, both.  Both Queen Karen of Destinesia and Pope Liz of Reederhoffia selected Serena as their captain, even.  I imagine they\’re already looking ahead to next week as well.  Paige Railey will save us all.    

Would have gotten these STANDINGS updated earlier, but I couldn\’t stop watching Michael Phelps getting ready to race.  Because NBC wouldn\’t let me.

For 38 minutes.