The closing ceremonies are very tragically a week from today. Only a week to go to root your favorite OLYMPIANS on to victory! This week really heats up with team sports- hockey medal matches, team relays, bobsleds galore. Will it be good for your team? We shall see!

With a week to go, will these medal standings hold up? Team Conway Twitty is very much in the hunt.  Is Mabeltopia out of medal contention for good? And will the ice dancers vault President Root up the table? Place your bets now, folks. And get ready to watch a lot of hockey.

So it\’s come to my attention I never posted the leaderboard yesterday. My bad! I wondered why so many people were asking how many points they had. Here are results as of yesterday\’s competitions. I also did an audit of each athlete so these should be pretty spot on!

By now, you\’re all too familiar with the antics of the sibling duos in this league.  The Barrettes are doing a decent job together in the mid 20\’s, and you\’ve all seen how President Buckley is clearly carrying the team for the Grogans, while younger brother God-King Ross Grogan places close to last with a frankly embarrassing thirteen points.

Which one is which?

But DID YOU KNOW that there are three sets of couples in the league this season?  One is even married, pending the outcome of this competition. The Riddles, clocking in at an impressive 74 total points, are clearly the power couple of this league, despite some early disappointments.  In second place, but still in the mix with 60 points are President K. Fletcher of Levelheadsland and President Girard.

Sadly, one couple languishes at the end of the board.  Long used to coming in behind Presidents Fletcher and Girard in the race to be a fantasy power couple (see also: Fantasy English Premiere League), President Diego Rich and President Trish Murphy (pictured above) have a sad 54 points.  But hey, maybe they\’ll make a comeback if President Murphy\’s insistence on selecting Skier Prince Hubertus Von Hohenlohe of Mexico pays off.  And really, how could it not?  With the way these games are going, anything could happen!  Anyone could win a gold medal!  Oh wait… he\’s not from Norway?  Never mind then.

Pictured at left is American speed skater Shani Davis, waving goodbye to your chances in this fantasy league.  Twelve of our teams have Shani Davis in the lineup, a record tied only by previous disappointment, Shaun White.  Only two of you have him as your captain though, which is probably because the rest of you are racists.

But Shani Davis turned up a big old goose egg at these Olympic games, which can\’t do much for morale for President Brian Barrette of Barrettstan and President Whitney Waters.  Both were already reeling from the Shaun White slap in the face, and now this.  Now this.

Another Olympic disappointment like this and Americans might just be forced to put down their jumbo burritos, train really hard every day for 20 years, put everything they have on the line for two minutes of competition, and do it themselves.

One more day at the top for President Buckley.  One more day to rest easy while President Mahalingashetty plans his late surge.

You\’ve read about Mabeltopia, the most patriotic team in the league, and her nine Americans plus an American captain.  Hot on her heels are Mark Girard and Megan Polly with eight Americans each and an American captain, even if it is Shaun White (see previous post).  But who are the least patriotic teams in the league?  Rounding out the bottom with one American each and a foreign captain are Keith Starnes, Lance Huffman, Alice Barrette, and Amber Riddle.

President Huffman

Notably, President Huffman of Conway Twitty has a team made up almost entirely of Norwegians.  This blog has not been able to independently confirm but is happy to speculate that President Huffman has long hidden his true Norwegian nature under a guise of conservative jingoism and love of these United States.  But it is undisputed that Norway has seen the largest amount of success in Winter Games history and it seems he could not survive another Winter Olympics without flying his Norwegian flag proudly. Or he just picked the funniest sounding names.  Probably the latter. Everyone knows he loves an umlaut.

Fun Fact: Norway is #1 in the all-time Winter Olympic Medal Count.  The United States comes in second at 253 medals, or fifty medals behind Norway.  Could this be the year the US finally makes up the difference?  (see previous post)

This did not happen in Sochi.  Also our outfits weren\’t this nice.

By now, you\’ve heard it all.  Oh, his arm hurt.  Oh, he\’s too old.  Oh, he\’s focusing on his music.  Here\’s one thing no one has the courage to ask but this blog: was his power in his hair?  Here\’s the answer: yes.

Like a modern day Sampson, Shaun White quite literally tumbled from the halfpipe gold medal yesterday.  You may remember Shaun White from his previous two halfpipe gold medals and/or his appearance on E\’s The Girls Next Door.  You may also remember him from his announcement, not one week ago, that he would be focusing all his efforts on winning the halfpipe gold medal.  Oops.

With him tumbled not only USA\’s snowboarding dynasty, but the medal hopes of many fantasy league presidents.  Twelve of you have built your teams around his formerly curly mop and five teams have him at the helm.  Oops.

A new country is almost to the top.  Does President Buckley have what it takes to hold on despite nearly all of her team having finished competing?  We will see!

Don\’t forget to get your Part Two selections in today!

When Canadian Alpine Skier Alex Bilodeau won gold yesterday in the Men\’s Bumpy Ski, among his fans were not only Bobbleheads President Mark Fletcher (only person in the league who owns Bilodeau) but his brother Frederic, who has cerebral palsy.  As the biggest supporter and inspiration to his two-time gold medalist brother, I bet he\’s even happier today than he looks in this picture.  Get out the tissues and check out the nice Today Show story about the brothers here.