Hi, there, it’s me, your lack of talent, lazy Fantasy Olympics commissioner. I got a little behind and tbh there are just so many more sports in the summer. Anyhoo, the Leaderboard is updated through the end of the Olympic Day Friday, August 2.

Premier Avi of the United States of Asswhoop and President Lan of Vladt have ridden to the top on the shoulders of Australian swimmer Mollie O’Callaghan, who I had personally never heard of/forgotten. Don’t scroll down and like find a haiku I wrote to her in 2020 or something.

Good news for everyone else is Track started (with the best event, Racewalking) and Simone’s got like 4 more medal opportunities. Boxing’s just heated up, and weightlifting and wrestling haven’t even started yet. Not to mention Rhythmic Gymnastics.

It’s been a big two days, or as I now measure time, 20 hours of Gold Zone. US Women’s Rugby, Flavor Flav, Suni’s Floor Routine, Teddy Riner, swimming in the Seine, Colin Jost slowly dying in Tahiti. Did not think they could top the heavy metal Marie Antoinette heads if I’m being honest, but I am not disappointed.