I’ve hesitated to write this because I am in denial that the Olympics have ended. NBC announced today that 23.5 billion minutes of the Olympics were streamed and if you do the math I think I alone am responsible for roughly 20,000 of those.

Honestly, I don’t even think that’s an exaggeration.

First things first, I have updated the Parade of Nations page and many people, but particularly Russell in Chief Trish of KurtRussellStan, worked hard to explain their country’s history. Much like the actual countries competing in the Olympics it’s nice to check in with these fantasy countries every two years and learn about all their coups and redos.

Secondly, please mark your calendars now as the 2026 Winter Olympics begin in a mere 542 days. Join me (figuratively not literally) in Milan and Cortina as we (possibly) watch Snoop Dogg try the bobsled.

Speaking of Snoop, the LA 2028 Summer Olympics are in 1,431 days. The fact that olympics.com has a countdown is the most seen I’ve ever felt by a website. Lacrosse and Cricket are coming. Baseball is back. Flag Football is there for some reason. Squash. Could Pickleball be far behind? One thing that’s out is Breakdancing so hopefully you enjoyed Raygun’s one shot at glory.

We are all the Raygun of something.

Many of you are not the Raygun of Fantasy Olympics though, and the final Leaderboard can now be viewed. Congratulations are in order for frequent Fantasy Olympian Supreme Leader Jen of the Land of Make Believe for what I believe is her first ever FO medal though I will not be checking the archives. She takes the bronze medal this year thanks to having the incredible foresight to know about French swimming.

She could not catch President Lan of Vladt who takes the Silver or Premier Avi Mangar of United States of Asswhoop who took the silver and gold respectively. First time Fantasy Olympians with an impressive show.

Once again the prizes are fanfare and an increased sense of self-worth.

Elsewhere the Barrett siblings, frequent medalists, shut out with a still respectable 4th and 9th. Fun fact: President Alice of Barrettania was the first ever Fantasy Olympics gold medalist. Turns out I did check the archives.

Chef d’Equipe Kerry of Raffles Apollo has one of her better finishes and Shaman Guion of Guionia’s strategy of random unresearched choices went as expected.

A real fall from grace for 2022 gold medalist Desperado Ken of the Land of Tony’s Flags. But I won’t mention it since I don’t want to sleep on the couch. Though I am sure he would point out he did score the highest of our family. But Governor Owen of Owenvania is quite pleased to have beaten his grandparents.

The Sacko goes to Bagelmeister Meisterbagel Evan of Pizzanytime, Inc. who is at least fortunate to be able to console himself with pizza whenever he reads this, be it morning, evening, or suppertime.

Anyway, congratulations to all 2024 Fantasy Olympians for your showings from strong to less strong, and it is my hope that you all feel pride just for participating.

See you in Milano-Cortina for some skip flippies and ski shooties and ski fasties.

YES.

Also my computer battery is about to run out so I will quickly say that the Leaderboard is updated and there are a LOT of medals up for grabs this weekend as the team sports wrap up so GET READY. Three medal opportunities in a row for girls teams starting at 4 a.m. Make a pot of coffee. These are the OLYMPICS.

I am starting to feel the opposite of this guy about the Olympics winding down. There’s not enough human beings inexplicably trying to jump over (into?) water left. True story have you ever seen a person who seems to be enjoying running steeplechase?

Anyway a lot of your athletes are done, so you must be feeling despondent as well. Who’s in for an Olympics re-watch next week???

Stephen Nedoroscik is like the patron saint of Fantasy Olympics. One of us! One of us!

Anyway, I hope you are surviving GOLD RUSH WEEKEND. Remember to hydrate. And welcome to Week Two which finds the US being fast on a different surface. Our gym gals are almost done with their flipping but our team sports girlies are stepping into the spotlight. Men will also be competing again this week, I’m told.

Very few surprises so far in either the Olympics or the Fantasy Olympics really. Simone is 3 for 3 on gold. US Basketball is dominant. Siblings President Alice of Barrettania and Governor Brian of Barretteboro are doing their traditional “pretty well” and, as usual, much better than siblings High Sultaness Allie of Mabeltopia and Sanctus Bellator Ross of Dominion Divinum Petrochemicum de Groganzola.

Supreme Leader Jen of Land of Make Believe is having one of her better years and will hopefully be able to answer the many questions I have about the Land of Make Believe such as why do only some citizens have to wear pants? and what is the basis of their economy and is it really crayons and artisan clocks?

Frequent Fantasy Olympians Chef d’Equipe Kerry of Raffles Apollo, Queen Robin of Randomland, Chancellor Megan of Pollywoglandia, and Queen JoAnna of Josburg are hovering around the middle of the table together while frequent former Fantasy Olympics champion, Desperado Ken of the Land of Tony’s Flags is just having a dismal games so far. 25th place and pinning all his hopes and dreams on Sport Climbing.

A lot of great Olympics were Olympicked today, which I won’t tell you about in case you’re one of those primetime watchers, but many more points up for grabs. Still anyone’s game to win! Except for probably mine, unless Noah Lyles gets 18 gold medals.

Hi, there, it’s me, your lack of talent, lazy Fantasy Olympics commissioner. I got a little behind and tbh there are just so many more sports in the summer. Anyhoo, the Leaderboard is updated through the end of the Olympic Day Friday, August 2.

Premier Avi of the United States of Asswhoop and President Lan of Vladt have ridden to the top on the shoulders of Australian swimmer Mollie O’Callaghan, who I had personally never heard of/forgotten. Don’t scroll down and like find a haiku I wrote to her in 2020 or something.

Good news for everyone else is Track started (with the best event, Racewalking) and Simone’s got like 4 more medal opportunities. Boxing’s just heated up, and weightlifting and wrestling haven’t even started yet. Not to mention Rhythmic Gymnastics.

It’s been a big two days, or as I now measure time, 20 hours of Gold Zone. US Women’s Rugby, Flavor Flav, Suni’s Floor Routine, Teddy Riner, swimming in the Seine, Colin Jost slowly dying in Tahiti. Did not think they could top the heavy metal Marie Antoinette heads if I’m being honest, but I am not disappointed.