Well, I was waiting until the US got good at the Olympics before posting but I can’t wait forever.
But Anna, you’re probably thinking, Nathan Chen scored the highest Men’s Short Program Figure Skating score in history, and you yourself included a photo of Jessie Diggins, the first ever US medalist in Cross-Country Skiing sprinting. And to you, I say: WHERE ARE MY GOLD MEDALS? We are tenth- TENTH- in the medal standings and have one gold medal and it’s in Women’s Snowboard Cross and no one even knows what that is.
Speaking of snowboarding though, this exists and is called “the Shred Shed” and it is glorious.
Elsewhere, a bunch of female ski jumpers who just so happened to be from the best ski jumping teams got DQ’d for having baggy outfits. Guess the officials hadn’t heard that bootcut is in again. NBC “accidentally” shut down Leslie Jones and then “realized” their “mistake” and said no actually she could make her videos that are getting more views than the Olympics themselves.
Leslie Jones is somehow a bigger Olympics fan than me, a person whose toddler explained this morning that “it’s ‘limpics season so we have ‘limipcs decorations.” Totally normal.
Closer to home, the top three on the Leaderboard are surprise, surprise: The Most Excellent Swiddle Family of the Land of Potty Words and Wrestling, Desperado Ken of the Land of Tony’s Flags, and Commander Brian of Washington Olympic Team, three of the most decorated Fantasy Olympians in the history of the game. I truly don’t know how they do it and I invented this game.
WELCOME TO THE PARIS 2024 FANTASY OLYMPICS! 