Returning to being out here with facts, even though Facebook blasted me for violating community standards with my last post. That’s right, Facebook. The ones who let a bunch of people openly plan to overthrow the government won’t let me post about a fake country full of warlords turned unabashed capitalists. If only Mark Zuckerberg had had a girlfriend in college.

Anyhoo, Simone Biles returned to competition and over half of our league breathed a collective sigh of relief to see our captain earn a couple more points, hopefully not at the expensive of her mental health. But hey, we’re vying for medals here too. (Yes, there are Fantasy Olympics medals.)

Surprisingly not everyone chose to captain Simone, a woman virtually guaranteed five gold medals when you made your choices two weeks ago. Now, some of you picked random captains so I don’t blame you. But the rest of you? I’m pretty convinced you caused the Twisties™. 

I’m speaking specifically of Leader Brian of Washington Olympic Team and Former Vice Mayor Kenny Kyle of The Land of Tony’s Flags who both selected US Swimmer Caeleb Dressel and Queen Chris of Mimbletonia and President Tony of the United States who selected US Mermaid Katie Ledecky. I am also technically talking about Crunchmaster Fresh Bonanza King of EARTH BROUGHT TO YOU BY FRITO LAYS but he selected Omar McLeod who definitely did not end up making the Jamaican Olympic team so I feel bad accusing him of creating a dangerous mental health condition for the greatest gymnast of all time. The rest of you though.

Has this strategy paid off?

Well, the Leaderboard would suggest that perhaps there is some merit to it.

But, you know, at what cost?