One can’t help but admire the brave Olympians from Groganzola for returning to this contest year after year when clearly this has been a decade of turmoil for the nation.

In 2014, the inaugural Fantasy Olympics, peace had come to the Grand Unified Sovereign Emirates of Groganzola and the Zolans found a modicum of Fantasy Olympics success led by their God-King Ross.

In 2016, however, the tides had begun to turn in Groganzola, and it seems the people rose up against the God-King, demoting him to Half-Supervisor, and renaming themselves Proudest Union of Former People’s Republics of Groganzola (Unincorporated). Rumors that HS Ross’s title referred to a revolutionary-time royal dismemberment have not been confirmed by the Fantasy UN. This team, however, ended in 11th place, which represents Groganzola’s best finish to date.

2018 saw another tumultuous Olympics for the Groganzolans, now named The Mounted Sovereigns of Groganzola-on-the-Caucasus and led by their Skullgrinder, Ross, now seemingly in full control, if not, perhaps, in full body (if the rumors are true).

Shortly after their disappointing 15th place finish, Skullgrinder closed the borders and shut out the media and even the IFOC so it remains unclear what happened in the last three years but they have emerged for these Fantasy Olympics as Groganzolan Corporatist Republic: a Nestle Country.

What investment opportunity did Nestle see in Groganzola? And why did they see fit to name a partially dismembered former despot as Director of Operations? We may never know (because no Groganzolans were interviewed for this article).

Honestly, y’all I am just so tired. Between 24/7 Olympics coverage and a toddler who NEVER SLEEPS, I am exhausted. But I’ll sleep up and get back to my insightful analysis this weekend, and maybe a few #KnowYourFantasyOlympics posts. In the meantime you should enjoy the podcast, For the Love of the Game(s), hosted by Fantasy Olympics’ own, and current 5th place player, Queen Chris of Mimbletonia. Click here.

Here also is the Day 5 leaderboard which I updated and then never was able to post because, as I may have mentioned, my toddler NEVER SLEEPS.

Another full day of Olympic excitement! The biggest news of all is, of course, that Tom Daley knitted himself a gold medal cosy.

In case there is anyone here not interested in the yarncraft hobbies of the Olympians, I will pivot and mention some of the other highlights from today. Lots of great news out of Tokyo. US Women’s 3×3 Basketball crushed gold medal match today, and the Women’s 200m relay final was just insane (though also technically tomorrow despite having appeared live in primetime). And tomorrow marks officially one week left until Race Walking begins.

Elsewhere on the Leaderboard I remain dominant due to a deadly combination of having invented the game and picking almost exclusively first week Olympians. Geeg Karen of GiGi4OhOh continues to secure the Silver medal spot, and General Guion of Papa New Guion stays at Bronze for another glorious Olympic day.

We saw Simone pull out of the Individual All-Around today and we also saw about 600,000 think pieces and hot facebook takes about it. And we all learned the terms, “lost in the air” and “the twisties” which I plan to incorporate into my general vocabulary immediately. But the competition is wide open now, so be sure to tune into the Today Show tomorrow so they can spoil it for you, and then complain when no one watches it in primetime.

Well, I blew it. Last night I bragged on the women’s teams and went to bed on a smug feminist high and boy, was it a bad day for (US) Women in the Olympics. A pair of disappointing silver medals, and even the 3×3 team lost.

Click the link on the Leaderboard page to see the full damage to your team. Fortunately, I am still on top but the handwriting is on the wall.

There are a number of websites you can choose to visit for coverage of every possible angle of the Simone Biles withdrawal and I’m sure many of them are already reporting on the effect on Fantasy Olympics. However, I want to give you the definitive answer and that answer is: generally no effect. It seems impossible since all but 4 people selected Simone as their captain, but due to the longstanding Fantasy Olympics rule that a team is a team not the individuals, Simone herself would not have earned points for a team gold medal (and nor will she for the silver) but she will earn points for the individual competitions, so I think I speak for all of us when I say I hope she finds herself in the air by then.

Head to the Leaderboard link above to check out the standings for Day Two. The only thing saving this from being pretty suspicious is that my husband is in last place.

Day Two was a mixed bag for the Olympics, with it being a rough day for our flagship athlete, and the number one most captained person in the league, Simone Biles. All she did was qualify for 5/5 individual events and lead team to qualification but SERIOUSLY WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER. Imagine having a bad day at work and still being one of the eight best people in the world doing your job.

I am in the top 8 in the world for sleep procrastination though so I’m bringing you all the Olympic news you care to know. Did you know that the US Women’s basketball team is on a 6 gold medal winning streak? They are wide favorites this year again along with our women’s soccer, gymnastics, 3×3 basketball, softball, water polo, and volleyball teams. It is no wonder that Fantasy Olympians favored women’s teams and duos over men by selecting 13 women’s teams and only 5 men’s.

See you guys in a couple of hours for the softball gold medal game, right? No sleep til the Closing Ceremonies.

Day One is over but do not despair. There are many more days to go, and we get Olympics again in February!

Standings are updated through Tokyo’s Saturday. Naturally, I am atop the leaderboard after the first day owing to my excellent choosing and being the only one with editor access to the spreadsheet.

Click here to see the full standings.

It’s good to see so many fantasy countries have weathered the pandemic, though regrettably some have needed to take corporate sponsorship. But we’re all just doing what we can right now.

Anyhoo back to rewatching the road cycling that I already watched at 2 a.m.

Fantasy Olympics is back and better than ever. Or at least back and similar to before. New site but same old game, complete with the insightful analysis you’ve come to love.

Click here to submit your country and Olympians.

The actual Tokyo Olympics website has a fantasy game this year but I’m here to tell you don’t do that one. Do this one instead. I mean you’re already on this website. What are you going to do? Go to a different website? You’re tired.

Submit your picks by Friday, July 23 at 7:30 pm, aka the start time for the American re-airing of the Opening Ceremonies. Won’t this mean some sports have already started due to Japan’s insistence on running the Games in their own time zone? Yes. Should you use that to your advantage? If you are shrewd.

No roster changes will be allowed after 7:30 pm on Friday. What does that mean for you, the overachiever who submits your picks earlier in the week? You may change them by text or e-mail in case athletes’ competition plans change (this is a polite way of saying in case your athletes get COVID).

You may also submit a flag and history of your country for the Parade of Nations page on this site.

New this year: auto-pick. The Fantasy Olympic Committee President will randomly select your team from the twenty most chosen Olympians.

Also new this year: The Fantasy Olympic Committee President has a two year old who doesn’t ever sleep so she’ll appreciate some grace with the update timings.