It\’s been a bad day.  Sure, sure, many Americans went home with medals, but my captain, Elise Christie, was brutally kicked in the hand by eventual silver medal winner Yara van something or other in the 500m short track speed skate today.  And then pyeongchang2018.com went down for maintenance.

Finally, the standings are updated, only to reveal that Kingpin Matthew of The Altered State of Drugachusetts is also having a bad day.  He\’s taken a Herrington tumble out of medal contention.  And bad news for Queen Ginny of Don\’t Try to Chang Me who finds herself still in single digits, just out of the seven way tie for next to last. But there\’s a lot of Olympics left to go, which is terrible news for Chancellor Brian Barrette of United States who probably peaked way too early.

Check your ranking here.