Monthly Archives: August 2016

KNOW YOUR OLYMPIC FANTASY LEAGUE #2: GROGANZOLA

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Half Supervisor Ross is on top of the leaderboard for another day. Astute League leaders may remember that Proudest Union of Former People\’s Republics of Groganzola (Unincorporated) competed in the 2014 Winter Olympic Games as the Grand Unified Sovereign Emirates of Groganzola.  The Fantasy Olympics blog caught up with God-King turned Half Supervisor Ross to get us caught up on the goings on in our neighbor to the North (East? South?). 

Q: Fantasy Olympics has noticed that you have undergone a name change, and your leader seems to have been overthrown, or at least demoted. What happened? 


A: The Democratic People\’s Republic was toppled in a frivolous coup. This, among other things, led to the Vegetable Rebellion and the God-King\’s unfortunate dismemberment. The Proudest Union of Former People\’s Republics of Groganzola (Unincorporated) rose from these ashes.


Q: Where is PUFPRGU located? 

A: Groganzola lies east of Black Sea in the hills of the Eurasian Steppes. However it is frequently left off maps due to western misinformation, xenophobia, and the general reluctance of cartographers.

Q: Half Supervisor- is that half of the time or half of the country?  Who supervises the other half? 

A: My legs were removed during dismemberment.

Q: Due to the healthy obsession with sports which permeates the country, most of the Fantasy Olympics members are Americans.  While we know what you call your own country, what do Americans call you? 

A: The Groganzolan people are known for their work ethic. Many Americans call us \”Customer Service.\”

Q: What is PUFPRGU\’s major export?

A: We are heavily invested in vaporizers and vaping accessories.

Q: What does the future look like for PFUPRGU?


A: The future of the Proudest People\’s Union is bright! It is truly morning in Groganzola. We were awarded a lucrative contract by the IOC to pump sewage from Copacabana Beach and maintain the diving pool. If that goes well we may throw our hat in the ring for 2024. Fingers crossed!

KNOW YOUR OLYMPIC FANTASY LEAGUE #1

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For over two hundred years, the United States of America has been a National Powerhouse.  For over one hundred years, the United States of America has been an Olympic Powerhouse.  The United States has more than twice as many medals as any other country, and nearly three times as many gold medals.  The only other country that even comes close is the Soviet Union and they fell so hopelessly behind that they just gave up and stopped being a country.  

\”Mr. Gorbachev, check the medal table. You might as well tear down this wall.\”


America is so completely dominant when it comes to the overall medal count that it is no surprise that 44 out of 45 Fantasy Olympians selected the United States as their overall medal winner.  That’s right, all but one of the fearless leaders in this League selected the United States of America as the (obvious) overall medal winner.


Her Royal Highness Kate Middleton Allison Buckley of the United Patriotic Republic of Gymnasts, who, by all accounts, appears to be an American, yet is that lone wolf.  But can that be true?  But who did she pick, you may be wondering?  Well, that would be China, America’s best frenemy to the East.  Not enough for them to own all our debt (is this true?  I heard Trump say it so…?) but now they own a member of our very own League.  It’s worth noting that the overall medal count competition has not even started yet but HRHKM Allison has already lost.   


Elsewhere, Chancellor Megan of Emmalinelandia and Most Glorious Imperial Czarina Jen of Whompistan are working hard to be the Dennis Rodman of this League, having each selected a North Korean athlete.  If you are surprised to learn that North Korea has sent a delegation of 30 athletes to the Olympics, I was too.  And not just because when I was googling “North Korea athletes Olympics”, Google automatically filled in “escape.”  It turns out that this is because, according to some guy who wrote a book called, “The Complete Book of the Olympics” which I shockingly do not own, every Olympics, a handful of Olympians from various nations actually defect to the host country.  One guy from Cameroon defected in 2008, didn’t like China, went back, qualified for the Olympics again, then defected again in London.  There has to be an easier way.

If you’re thinking of defecting from the League when you look at the Leaderboard, take heart, Track and Field is right around the corner.  

GOLD MEDAL UPSET ALERT

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Pictured: Half Supervisor Ross\’s heroic feat

Much like Thailand\’s Sukanya Srisurat lifted an Olympic Record amount of weight yesterday (58kg? Or is that how much she weighs? I don\’t understand Judo or whatever this is.) Half-Supervisor Ross of the Proudest Union of Former People\’s Republics of Groganzola (Unincorporated) has lifted I dunno like what?  Maybe 150lbs?  to knock King Lance of Hyrule out of the gold medal spot on our Illustrious Leaderboard.  It\’s a heartwarming story, given the obvious civil unrest in Gorgonzola since the 2014 Sochi games.  Stay tuned for more on that, and in the meantime check the standings updated through last night at 11:59 pm here.  

Gotta get them pointz

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You may be wondering: how do I earn points?

If your Olympian…
      wins the Gold Medal – 5 points
      wins the Silver Medal – 4 points
      wins the Bronze Medal – 3 point  
advances from a preliminary round
to the next round – 2 points
sets a World Record or an Olympic
Record – 1 point


You will also select a Team Captain.  You earn double points for this Olympian!

Also, make your pick for overall medal winner by country in each Olympics Sport as well as for the Games as a whole!  You will earn five points for each one of the sports you get right, and 10 points for guessing the overall medal count correctly.

Then, all of these numbers will be crunched using a highly complex and technical mathematical formula. Just kidding. It will be addition.