This blog has yet to comment, even with a sarcastic side-eye, about the Ryan Lochte International Incident, or about the reverent intensity of NBC\’s coverage as they helped us navigate this difficult and confusing time, or about how there are actual Americans who still claim they are more embarrassed by Gabby Douglas.

Ryan Lochte warns that despite learning so many hard \”lessons\” at this Olympics, he might be back for a future Olympics, and at this point, I think we can all assume he\’s planning to somehow qualify for the Seoul 2018 Winter Olympics, drunkenly stumble across the border into North Korea and require at least 3 former presidents and Dennis Rodman to go get him.

My favorite local satirical news site imagines today what trouble Lochte could drunkenly stumble into in Lexington, and invites you to Choose Your Own Adventure right along with him: Can You and Ryan Lochte Stay Out of Trouble? I got arrested in Rio like 8 different times, or still five times less than Ryan Lochte probably should have been over the last two weeks.