For over two hundred years, the United States of America has been a National Powerhouse. For over one hundred years, the United States of America has been an Olympic Powerhouse. The United States has more than twice as many medals as any other country, and nearly three times as many gold medals. The only other country that even comes close is the Soviet Union and they fell so hopelessly behind that they just gave up and stopped being a country.
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| \”Mr. Gorbachev, check the medal table. You might as well tear down this wall.\” |
America is so completely dominant when it comes to the overall medal count that it is no surprise that 44 out of 45 Fantasy Olympians selected the United States as their overall medal winner. That’s right, all but one of the fearless leaders in this League selected the United States of America as the (obvious) overall medal winner.
Her Royal Highness Kate Middleton Allison Buckley of the United Patriotic Republic of Gymnasts, who, by all accounts, appears to be an American, yet is that lone wolf. But can that be true? But who did she pick, you may be wondering? Well, that would be China, America’s best frenemy to the East. Not enough for them to own all our debt (is this true? I heard Trump say it so…?) but now they own a member of our very own League. It’s worth noting that the overall medal count competition has not even started yet but HRHKM Allison has already lost.
Elsewhere, Chancellor Megan of Emmalinelandia and Most Glorious Imperial Czarina Jen of Whompistan are working hard to be the Dennis Rodman of this League, having each selected a North Korean athlete. If you are surprised to learn that North Korea has sent a delegation of 30 athletes to the Olympics, I was too. And not just because when I was googling “North Korea athletes Olympics”, Google automatically filled in “escape.” It turns out that this is because, according to some guy who wrote a book called, “The Complete Book of the Olympics” which I shockingly do not own, every Olympics, a handful of Olympians from various nations actually defect to the host country. One guy from Cameroon defected in 2008, didn’t like China, went back, qualified for the Olympics again, then defected again in London. There has to be an easier way.
If you’re thinking of defecting from the League when you look at the Leaderboard, take heart, Track and Field is right around the corner.
WELCOME TO THE PARIS 2024 FANTASY OLYMPICS! 