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| Dane Bowles |
Dane Bowles, Real American.
Sure, his country name may be a play on a well-known ex-Soviet Republic, and sure he\’s probably mathematically eliminated from this competition, but Dane Bowles is the realest American out there.
When asked to make his choices for Part Two of this competition, Dane Bowles remembered his roots and selected as follows:
Alpine Skiing: U! S! A!
Biathlon: UNITED STATES
Bobsleigh: UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Cross-Country Skiing: US AMERICANS
Curling: US HANK WILLIAMS JR
Figure Skating: STARS N BARS
Freestyle Skiing: THESE COLORS DON’T RUN
Hockey: HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN 9/11
Luge: AMERICAN BY THE GRACE OF GOD
Nordic Combined: KID ROCK
Short Track Speed Skating: GENERAL MOTORS AMERICA
Skeleton: WINCHESTER RIFLES
Snowboarding: DRILL BABY DRILL
Ski Jumping: DAVID ALLAN COE
Speed Skating: Russia
Overall Medal Count: USA
One thing Dane Bowles has not forgotten is that this is the Land of the Free and even though truly Norway, or the Netherlands, or even Austria might have been more competitive choices, Dane Bowles raised his American flag on the Iwo Jima that is the competition and once again, truly embodied what it means to be the Home of the Brave.
Dane Bowles, ladies and gentlemen. Dane Bowles.
WELCOME TO THE PARIS 2024 FANTASY OLYMPICS! 